Hello Y’all,
It is I, Luis Alvarez - one of the few faithful men in this world of sin. My contribution to this blog post is going to involve a plethora of past events with my faithful compás (Besides Che*t). Many are going to be retelling hilarious and embarrassing experiences. However, for privacy purposes, names will be hidden and replaced with funny, creative names. Many will be able to piece things together but oh well (COMPÁS EXPOSED.... jk Lol). Nonetheless, I’m short and sweet to the point so I wont take too much of y’all’s time because us faithful men have bible study to attend every night. After this post goes up, I will try to and post one of my personal favorite stories - so stay tuned.
Thanks for taking the time in reading this quick blog. Save this, bookmark it, do something so you can save the link to this post so you can come back from time to time and see what bullshit my compás and I post. Anywho, have a blessed day!
Love,
Luis Alvarez
Thursday, October 5, 2017
Wednesday, October 4, 2017
WASCO FIGHT
WASCO FIGHT
The fight itself isn't as important as what happened afterwords.
We were told to "Get on the line" and "you're running until I can think of something better to do for your dumbass's."
No mames we ran to the fence and back at least hella times. Would much rather do super happies.
Anyways.. We ran for a cool 30 minutes, wind-sprints it sucked. We had a pretty hefty RB and a pretty out of shape TE. So they naturally were dead. We had a little team huddle and the TE was limping and saying "owe owe owe" and having trouble breathing. Nothing alarming. The RB (super athletic gifted with talent most of us wish we had) was GASSSED. We had a little gay team huddle and all I heard was Darth Vader's breathing and see that our RB is gasping for air.
It was quiet. No one had said anything for what seemed like an eternity. Then is said "Yo M@$^!* you alright?" and immediately hear Alexis A. snicker and I could not contain myself. M@$^!* then told me to shut up and that it wasn't fun he couldn't breath so that naturally made it ten times worse.
Anyways.....I can't remember if this was before or after the whole 'you alright' thing, but this is added last because it is 10x funnier.
So we were in the lockerroom getting CHEWbacca'ed out by our coach [He was a Star Wars nerd so hence the references].
I shit you not. he. ripped. his. shirt. Or tried to at least. He was done yelling at us and we were already bummed about what had happened and shit and this fool kept yelling. He threw his shirt viciously onto the ground and at that point, I lost my shit. I was sitting next to Levi 'stud10'.
Coach ripped his shirt and all you saw was a belly full of hair and sweat. It was nasssssyyyauuuuyy. Grandpabod. I could hardly contain myself. I had to look away. Every bit of disappointment I had prior to that was gone. I needed to laugh so bad. It was so damn funny. My stomach hurt from holding in that great ass laugh. I looked over and I saw Levi 'pies de caballo' turn red. All the blood was in his face. He could not contain himself either. This made me DIE. I was at the brink of losing my shit but coach left. As soon as we left We let out a great ass laugh.
Oh man. It gets better. Coach comes back with a small shirt that could not be bigger than a size shhhhmedium. He looked like an old fat white bald,
Ezekiel Elliot. Man this was the the third time this night that I was left gasping for air. He left and immediately Levi and I burst into legendary tears.
Message of the day, don't be out of shape and don't be around Levi in serious situations.
The fight itself isn't as important as what happened afterwords.
We were told to "Get on the line" and "you're running until I can think of something better to do for your dumbass's."
No mames we ran to the fence and back at least hella times. Would much rather do super happies.
Anyways.. We ran for a cool 30 minutes, wind-sprints it sucked. We had a pretty hefty RB and a pretty out of shape TE. So they naturally were dead. We had a little team huddle and the TE was limping and saying "owe owe owe" and having trouble breathing. Nothing alarming. The RB (super athletic gifted with talent most of us wish we had) was GASSSED. We had a little gay team huddle and all I heard was Darth Vader's breathing and see that our RB is gasping for air.
It was quiet. No one had said anything for what seemed like an eternity. Then is said "Yo M@$^!* you alright?" and immediately hear Alexis A. snicker and I could not contain myself. M@$^!* then told me to shut up and that it wasn't fun he couldn't breath so that naturally made it ten times worse.
Anyways.....I can't remember if this was before or after the whole 'you alright' thing, but this is added last because it is 10x funnier.
So we were in the lockerroom getting CHEWbacca'ed out by our coach [He was a Star Wars nerd so hence the references].
I shit you not. he. ripped. his. shirt. Or tried to at least. He was done yelling at us and we were already bummed about what had happened and shit and this fool kept yelling. He threw his shirt viciously onto the ground and at that point, I lost my shit. I was sitting next to Levi 'stud10'.
Coach ripped his shirt and all you saw was a belly full of hair and sweat. It was nasssssyyyauuuuyy. Grandpabod. I could hardly contain myself. I had to look away. Every bit of disappointment I had prior to that was gone. I needed to laugh so bad. It was so damn funny. My stomach hurt from holding in that great ass laugh. I looked over and I saw Levi 'pies de caballo' turn red. All the blood was in his face. He could not contain himself either. This made me DIE. I was at the brink of losing my shit but coach left. As soon as we left We let out a great ass laugh.
Oh man. It gets better. Coach comes back with a small shirt that could not be bigger than a size shhhhmedium. He looked like an old fat white bald,
Message of the day, don't be out of shape and don't be around Levi in serious situations.
Broken Chairs and Stupid Dares
RIP to all the broken chairs.
At least 5-7 chairs have been broken by some tanques. I remember the first casualty. It was a green sun-faded ass Walmart chair. It had strings holding it together and I'm pretty sure it had a decent amount of duct tape.
It was the summer right before college and we were all hanging out in Gutz'z garage. It was hotter than a 25 min sauna forearm workout in that poor garage and it had the stench of man-sweat and carb burps from all the liquidy beverages being consumed. There was a snap, crackle and pop and the chair was obliterated!!! Green shards few everywhere and cut the FUUUUUHHHHK out of my foot. No mames I felt fat asf for breaking that chair. I didn't hear the end of it for the entire night. Still rek'd in BP tho. "#Collage" (College.... but that for another story)
This one time, Goodelob tried to do the gallon of milk challenge. He was doing challenges all week (he did the saltine challenge and actually did it).
Anyways, La Rana finish at least 3/4ths of the milk gallon. However, we got him whole milk. THAT MILK WAS BEING CHUGGED BY A MISERABLE GEEDE. The last push the most heroic effort I have ever seen. The struggle and fierce determination in his eye had so much fight in them but alas the milk won. He threw up all over Gutz'z lawn and we roasted him cuz it looked like his eyes were going to pop out (even more than they already do) lol
At least 5-7 chairs have been broken by some tanques. I remember the first casualty. It was a green sun-faded ass Walmart chair. It had strings holding it together and I'm pretty sure it had a decent amount of duct tape.
It was the summer right before college and we were all hanging out in Gutz'z garage. It was hotter than a 25 min sauna forearm workout in that poor garage and it had the stench of man-sweat and carb burps from all the liquidy beverages being consumed. There was a snap, crackle and pop and the chair was obliterated!!! Green shards few everywhere and cut the FUUUUUHHHHK out of my foot. No mames I felt fat asf for breaking that chair. I didn't hear the end of it for the entire night. Still rek'd in BP tho. "#Collage" (College.... but that for another story)
This one time, Goodelob tried to do the gallon of milk challenge. He was doing challenges all week (he did the saltine challenge and actually did it).
Anyways, La Rana finish at least 3/4ths of the milk gallon. However, we got him whole milk. THAT MILK WAS BEING CHUGGED BY A MISERABLE GEEDE. The last push the most heroic effort I have ever seen. The struggle and fierce determination in his eye had so much fight in them but alas the milk won. He threw up all over Gutz'z lawn and we roasted him cuz it looked like his eyes were going to pop out (even more than they already do) lol
Tuesday, October 3, 2017
Post Workout day 1
First of all, message of the day, DO NOT WORK OUT. Okay maybe you should be working out but if you do, do not go without picking up a weight for 3 months at a time and expect to put up world class numbers off the bat.
I made this mistake yesterday, Monday, Oct.2nd, 2017.
I woke up this morning with the sharp pain of a thousand burning suns in my legs and presently non-existent abs. HOW THE HELL am I so sore. I woke up and said "JEsus Christ" and alarmed my GF's roommate lol. I knew it was a mistake but it is a mistake that I will continue to commit to.
Anyways, my legs are sore AF; I can't sit, walk and most importantly shit without cringing.
It gets so much worse before it gets better. Today is manageable; however, I am foreseeing a big increase in soreness tomorrow, that should be fun!
The good news is that today is chest day, no not my friend Chest, who, by the way, is 69% chest, but I will probably be hitting the FUUUUUUUUUCCCCKCKKKKK out of the weights and destroying every sisngle muscle fiber/tissue in my pecs. Pray for me, because tomorrow I won't be able to move let alone walk my sorry ass to the gym.
Happy Tuesday y'all, be safe and remember being sore sucks but being goodelopb sucks even more
CURRENT MOOD: Knowing I have to do it all again has me like
I made this mistake yesterday, Monday, Oct.2nd, 2017.
I woke up this morning with the sharp pain of a thousand burning suns in my legs and presently non-existent abs. HOW THE HELL am I so sore. I woke up and said "JEsus Christ" and alarmed my GF's roommate lol. I knew it was a mistake but it is a mistake that I will continue to commit to.
Anyways, my legs are sore AF; I can't sit, walk and most importantly shit without cringing.
It gets so much worse before it gets better. Today is manageable; however, I am foreseeing a big increase in soreness tomorrow, that should be fun!
The good news is that today is chest day, no not my friend Chest, who, by the way, is 69% chest, but I will probably be hitting the FUUUUUUUUUCCCCKCKKKKK out of the weights and destroying every sisngle muscle fiber/tissue in my pecs. Pray for me, because tomorrow I won't be able to move let alone walk my sorry ass to the gym.
Happy Tuesday y'all, be safe and remember being sore sucks but being goodelopb sucks even more
CURRENT MOOD: Knowing I have to do it all again has me like
Monday, October 2, 2017
On a MONDAY
Hello Folks,
I come to you from the living room floor beyond cansado from warming up the squat rack (not really because I have twig legs:/) for Lermano since he knows how to SQWUAAATTTTTT. Nonetheless, I begin to visualize how people would want to start off the weekday. Some responsible adults would go to bible studies or others would read a book or do some squats/hip thrust 690 lbs because girls like butts too, according to Lermano.
BUUUUUTTTTTTTTTT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS ONE COMPA MONDAY! Okay where do I start.... I just got back from East Bay excited that I just graduated and well the irresponsible "Mr. Calles" "I will wreck your girlfriend with my sausage del ano fingers" Pablito asked yours truly as well as JermGod aka "Mr. I am selfish and can't let you take my palace hoes" and Gustavo aka "snake" "goodelob" "la rana" "sapo" "10x10 225 on squats for no gah damn reason" to go to a bar called Aldofo's. We all agreed and well when we were going to go pick up JermGod, Pablito and Gustavo recognized that today was a Monday and it is just going to be a chill night; play some pool and have a couple of beers...lololololololololololol.
Okay so we start heading to the bar and well we begin to think about how to pregrame and well we decided to pregame Mike's Harder Lemonade because this one time it was a success (that's a different story for a different day). Well we each get 2 tall cans and well before goodelob, JermGod and I could even tap into our first tall can pinche Pablito KILLED both of his and called us out. I was stunned, shocked, everything you can think of because I am pretty sure the night was suppose to be a "chill" night. Whatever momma didn't raise no bitch and I started to drink my drank. Well we all go into the bar and begin to get comfortable, about to order a round of shots to loosen up. I SHIT YOU NOT! WE WERE NOT EVEN IN THE BAR FOR MORE THAN 5 MINUTES, DIDN'T EVEN ORDER DRINKS YET OR RECEIVED OUR SHOTS... ALL I HEAR IS TRAGOS AMARGOS GETTING PLAYED FROM THE JUKEBOX... Bruh we all look over and we see a PEDAS pablito walking towards us with the biggest smile ever... Like I can't even comprehend how did he get so drunk or in his feels that fast... Like did he drink something that we didn't drink...
Anyways we sang that shit because that song hits our corazon and we begin to order more shots because the flood gates have been open. Adolfo's Pablito is out and we just gon' super saiyan... We put down 6 shots in 30 minutes as well as order two tall glasses of 805 (805 draft is fire). Okay we finally decide to play some pool (lololololololol didn't even last two shots of pool before Adolfo's pablito began to wonder off and the game never really finished). Basically the next hour or so shit just hit the fan for Aldofo's Pablito and well folks stay tuned because early Tuesday morning is where shit gets lit... well not for JermGod...
To Be Continue...
I come to you from the living room floor beyond cansado from warming up the squat rack (not really because I have twig legs:/) for Lermano since he knows how to SQWUAAATTTTTT. Nonetheless, I begin to visualize how people would want to start off the weekday. Some responsible adults would go to bible studies or others would read a book or do some squats/hip thrust 690 lbs because girls like butts too, according to Lermano.
BUUUUUTTTTTTTTTT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS ONE COMPA MONDAY! Okay where do I start.... I just got back from East Bay excited that I just graduated and well the irresponsible "Mr. Calles" "I will wreck your girlfriend with my sausage del ano fingers" Pablito asked yours truly as well as JermGod aka "Mr. I am selfish and can't let you take my palace hoes" and Gustavo aka "snake" "goodelob" "la rana" "sapo" "10x10 225 on squats for no gah damn reason" to go to a bar called Aldofo's. We all agreed and well when we were going to go pick up JermGod, Pablito and Gustavo recognized that today was a Monday and it is just going to be a chill night; play some pool and have a couple of beers...lololololololololololol.
Okay so we start heading to the bar and well we begin to think about how to pregrame and well we decided to pregame Mike's Harder Lemonade because this one time it was a success (that's a different story for a different day). Well we each get 2 tall cans and well before goodelob, JermGod and I could even tap into our first tall can pinche Pablito KILLED both of his and called us out. I was stunned, shocked, everything you can think of because I am pretty sure the night was suppose to be a "chill" night. Whatever momma didn't raise no bitch and I started to drink my drank. Well we all go into the bar and begin to get comfortable, about to order a round of shots to loosen up. I SHIT YOU NOT! WE WERE NOT EVEN IN THE BAR FOR MORE THAN 5 MINUTES, DIDN'T EVEN ORDER DRINKS YET OR RECEIVED OUR SHOTS... ALL I HEAR IS TRAGOS AMARGOS GETTING PLAYED FROM THE JUKEBOX... Bruh we all look over and we see a PEDAS pablito walking towards us with the biggest smile ever... Like I can't even comprehend how did he get so drunk or in his feels that fast... Like did he drink something that we didn't drink...
Anyways we sang that shit because that song hits our corazon and we begin to order more shots because the flood gates have been open. Adolfo's Pablito is out and we just gon' super saiyan... We put down 6 shots in 30 minutes as well as order two tall glasses of 805 (805 draft is fire). Okay we finally decide to play some pool (lololololololol didn't even last two shots of pool before Adolfo's pablito began to wonder off and the game never really finished). Basically the next hour or so shit just hit the fan for Aldofo's Pablito and well folks stay tuned because early Tuesday morning is where shit gets lit... well not for JermGod...
To Be Continue...
Sunday, October 1, 2017
Fantasy Football
Evaluation of this years fantasy football, 4 loco keg toss
YES THE COMPABOWL IS HERE.
So we have some true fantasy football players. They are named Krusty and Chest, combined they are just Chrusty.
LEADING THE PACK is surprisingly not PABLO CARRILLO. He probably only drafted with his Vienna sausage fingers (those things will either make or break you ladies). Bablo said that he couldn't press a single player and instead selected five at a time and that was using his pinkey. Hopefully Bablo doesn't realize that he has all the potential to win this year and instead has fun in Europe.
Rate: Slight Caution
LEVI "That's not my leg, but keep going, and then wut" SWOLIZ!!!! It seems he was to busy looking at other guys workout instead of working out himself. His draft lineup is as weak as his forearms. Well those things aren't going to get a decent workout now that he's back home. THE CABALLO IS BACK.
Rate: Slight Caution
SERGIO "ride my face ladies I have a beard" CARRILLO!!!! Is absolute garbage. A team analysis isn't worth my time. However, even his shit team beat Krusty's 'golden' squad.
Rate: DANGER
Speaking of Krusy, Chris, BRUSTY "CN7" "Hermano" NAVARRO!!!! With the power of Zeus in his right leg, don't let his young man kick you (he'll kick you when you're down he fights dirty). With arguably the best squad on the field every week, Brusty is surely on pace to buy a keg with all the money his wins from his other leagues to match the predicted loser.
Rate: No Real Danger
GOODELOB "geese" "frog" "La Rana" "Goode" "Gustavo" RODRIGUEZ!!! Damn dude. Damn. Your squad is straight ass, not all asses are created equal but the ass that your team represents would not be eaten by any of my compas. No sir, the ass that is your team is more of a middle age white man. If your team was an ass it would be Hank Hills ass, 'I tell you what.'
Rate: High DANGER
Enpique "mandilon" "el gallo negro" " Carranza!!! Well you should really be gassing yourself up but boy you sure did fuck up. You auto-drafted 3 QB's and like 5 kickers. It's like you were playing fantasy soccer. Puras mamadas. Bro your team is slightly above ass. If it wasn't for a few select players keeping you afloat, you would be in the losing bracket every week. Be thankful and keep praying PENDEJO.
Rate: Slight Caution
Rudnalfo "RN11" "Young Bale" "El Yamcha" "10/3" NAVARRO!!!! Sorry compa your squad selection from week to week is subpar, like how much your legs lift. Bro set your team up right. Actually try to win compa. You can only beat frogba at this point......
Rate: High Danger
Chest "pecho" "Che*t" Rios. Your fantasy football skills are far more superior than everyone else's. You are the best. Let the rest of us win.
Rate: No Real Danger
This is how we will all be after we finish the keg.
YES THE COMPABOWL IS HERE.
So we have some true fantasy football players. They are named Krusty and Chest, combined they are just Chrusty.
LEADING THE PACK is surprisingly not PABLO CARRILLO. He probably only drafted with his Vienna sausage fingers (those things will either make or break you ladies). Bablo said that he couldn't press a single player and instead selected five at a time and that was using his pinkey. Hopefully Bablo doesn't realize that he has all the potential to win this year and instead has fun in Europe.
Rate: Slight Caution
LEVI "That's not my leg, but keep going, and then wut" SWOLIZ!!!! It seems he was to busy looking at other guys workout instead of working out himself. His draft lineup is as weak as his forearms. Well those things aren't going to get a decent workout now that he's back home. THE CABALLO IS BACK.
Rate: Slight Caution
SERGIO "ride my face ladies I have a beard" CARRILLO!!!! Is absolute garbage. A team analysis isn't worth my time. However, even his shit team beat Krusty's 'golden' squad.
Rate: DANGER
Speaking of Krusy, Chris, BRUSTY "CN7" "Hermano" NAVARRO!!!! With the power of Zeus in his right leg, don't let his young man kick you (he'll kick you when you're down he fights dirty). With arguably the best squad on the field every week, Brusty is surely on pace to buy a keg with all the money his wins from his other leagues to match the predicted loser.
Rate: No Real Danger
GOODELOB "geese" "frog" "La Rana" "Goode" "Gustavo" RODRIGUEZ!!! Damn dude. Damn. Your squad is straight ass, not all asses are created equal but the ass that your team represents would not be eaten by any of my compas. No sir, the ass that is your team is more of a middle age white man. If your team was an ass it would be Hank Hills ass, 'I tell you what.'
Rate: High DANGER
Enpique "mandilon" "el gallo negro" " Carranza!!! Well you should really be gassing yourself up but boy you sure did fuck up. You auto-drafted 3 QB's and like 5 kickers. It's like you were playing fantasy soccer. Puras mamadas. Bro your team is slightly above ass. If it wasn't for a few select players keeping you afloat, you would be in the losing bracket every week. Be thankful and keep praying PENDEJO.
Rate: Slight Caution
Rudnalfo "RN11" "Young Bale" "El Yamcha" "10/3" NAVARRO!!!! Sorry compa your squad selection from week to week is subpar, like how much your legs lift. Bro set your team up right. Actually try to win compa. You can only beat frogba at this point......
Rate: High Danger
Chest "pecho" "Che*t" Rios. Your fantasy football skills are far more superior than everyone else's. You are the best. Let the rest of us win.
Rate: No Real Danger
This is how we will all be after we finish the keg.
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Well let me begin. I am going to type this without error. If an error is caught, feel free to call me out. A simple typo is not always ...
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RIP to all the broken chairs. At least 5-7 chairs have been broken by some tanques. I remember the first casualty. It was a green sun-fade...
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The sauce is like drunk purgatory. You are neither here not there. Without fail, one compa will be lost in the sauce, pulling up form 15...