El Gallero Negro

So let me take y'all back to 3-4 years ago.

So I was chillin' with my Compa Gutz at his house. We were doing boy things; on this hot summer day, we spent it inside Fifin' it up (I can't lie, he had the upper hand that day, untillllllll....).

So we were in the middle of a beast ass Fifa 14 game. I had some Messi magic going and I believe that I was up for the first time in what had seemed like an eternity. Gutz had been scoring GOALAZOS on me and at this point I wanted to give up and watch him play COD. He wasn't scoring at all this particular game. He was hitting the crossbar like Lermano hits cans with his BB gun.

Then I scored. I scored again. It was 3-1 at this point. Gutz's let out his Aztec war cry of anger and frustration. The rooster heard Gutz scream from his house. The rooster roared with either fear or as an intimidation technique. That rooster had fucked up. Well, either way, that rooster had had it's last day of freedom. Tripitaz had spent weeks telling me, prior to this event, that his mom made BEAST ass caldo (not the same caldo that is made by Rudy, via leaving his drinking in his clammy ass hands too long), chicken soup to be exact. So Tripaz knew that my family had animals and that all Carranza men were beast ass animal tamers so he asked me to "go get that chicken for his mom."

I didn't question him at this point, I thought, "well it's just a chicken, let's go get it." We went outside and I asked Tripod, "where's the chicken?" and he points at the smallest rooster in the world [this will come back full circle stick with me]. I laughed at how tiny and pathetic the 'chicken' looked. So Gutz asked me to get the rooster for his mom, and we began to chase it. So I thought it was funny because you aren't supposed to chase these birds because they're faster than the typical human, but I let ElNotoriousGutz chase down the lil' birdie.

HE WAS GASSED. Those Corcoran summers ain't no joke. Ballpark tempt, 105 AT LEAST and it was around 7pm.

So we had the rooster cornered; it was in it's fight or flight mode. It was us two against the rooster.....or so I thought. I told Triputa to stand blocking one side and to be ready to not let the rooster passed him. Well this fool does not stand his ground. He get TERRIFIED. I saw a grown ass faithful young man cower in fear. He let out a sigh of relief as if he had che*ted death. We were back to square one.

We had the right strategies but we failed in our execution. I trusted Tripaz too much and that was my fatal flaw. So we cornered the rooster again. This gallito had balls. More balls than my fellow rooster wrangler at this point.

So we cornered this damn demon bird and I snatched it by it's left leg. It started flapping it's wings vigorously. Tripaz panicked and ran. He was never in any real danger I don't know why he ran. So I chased after him with the rooster in my hand and my other hand on its crest so it doesn't peck me. I was like a hunter, thrilled by the catch. My heart was beating, either about the thrill of the hunt or my body telling me how out of shape I was. I didn't care, man defeated beast that day, well one of us did anyways.

So Tripaz wanted to tell his mom that he caught the rooster, but the only way I would let that happen is if he held the bird. Mind you he had never held a live rooster before. So I told him that his mom would only believe him if he held the rooster. He agreed. As soon as I gave him the rooster, I let go of it's crest. It gave Tripaz at least 6 or 9 lighting fast vicious pecks. He almost let the damn thing go, all our hard work for nothing.

I snatched it from him and we proceeded to go inside.

So we presented the gift of beautiful future caldo to Momma Gutz and she was thrilled!! This lady was happy to see the rooster and said she would make soup out of it. She thanked us and said she would make the soup the next week.

So as we got back into Casa Gutz I eagerly wanted to return to the once in a lifetime ass whooping I had on Gutz. I looked at the TV and I saw that he had restarted the game. He did it behind my back. Scheming, cunning POS kept his controller with him the entire time. POS I had captured the dangerous beast and he had restated our game. POS move man. POFS. I was hurt. I had done all that work and wanted to be rewarded with a very needed 3-1 victory. Alas, I was che*ted of a victory. I had helped my Compa and he had betrayed me.

Fast forward a few weeks, no caldo has been made. In fact, the rooster now has 3 chicken hoes it lays with. My family had even given Momma Gutz a chicken and to this day they had a nice little area for their pollitos.  It is a polygamist relationship and the Gutz household continues to be provided by an abundance of fresh eggs.

Man tamed beast and became a beast. With all that had happened that day, one good thing happened, I became a real man. That is the day I became El Gallo Negro.